It all started about 2 years ago, when I walked into a little cafe' here on the Main Line. I'd ordered a coffee and a breakfast sandwich, and as I stood at the counter waiting for my bacon, egg and cheese goodness to come off the grill, one of the girls behind the counter turned to me and said, "You have such beautiful skin." Five simple words, and yet they amounted to a grand kindness. I think I blushed, and I probably stuttered a little in thanking her. But obviously, it made an impression. It made my day, and it has since come back into my mind from time-to-time, and helped to rescue me from bouts of self scrutiny and my relentless insecurities.
So it is, in light of that experience, that I try to make a habit of telling random women that they are beautiful. The cashier at Whole Foods with the genuine and unrestrained smile, and dimples that are to-die-for. The woman with the dark and mesmerizing eyes who gives me a pedicure. The girl at the drive-through with the stunning red hair. And of course, my dearest friends, who will probably never fully grasp their own beauty, inside or out. I like to hope that in some small way, my words to them make a difference, an impression. That they recall the sister-stranger who told them they were beautiful, and feel emboldened in this unforgiving "nip-and-tuck" nation of Photoshopped faces and narrow, singular standards of beauty that exclude so many.Yesterday, I was walking the streets of my friend's urban, river-front neighborhood, in search of photo opportunities for a class project. As I entered the park, an SUV that was exiting slowed to a stop. The woman inside rolled down her window and yelled out to me, "You look so pretty today. Have a beautiful day!" Thank you, Sister-Stranger. I am certain that I will never forget you, or your bold kindness to me. The world and its women need more of us, and more of these reminders.
Lauren is quite the inspiration! I mentioned to her that I have trouble vocalizing my compliments sometimes, though I'm always thinking them in my head. ("That barista has such lovely hair!") I need to be bolder because, seriously, would WOULDN'T want to receive a compliment??
By the way, have I told you how fantastic you look today? ;)
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13 comments:
I've been living in Philly for 3 years, and have found that contrary to its reputation for rudeness, people are quite nice and frequently compliment strangers. The first few times it happened to me I was shocked but completely thrilled. Now I try to use one person's compliment as a reminder to do the same to someone else. Like the author do I have to remember to get the compliment that's in my head to come out of my mouth, but it's always worth it!
I was born and raised in South Philly but now live in Indianapolis. While East Coasters have a rep for being rude in a variety of ways, I find that as a rule I am much more likely to give a compliment to a stranger than those with "Midwest values". I think it has to do with generally being more direct and open to talking to strangers than those raised with *polite* tendencies.
In any case, I'm all for spreading positivity in the universe -- what goes around comes around, right? -- and am happy that random complimenters exist in our world.
Wow, I love this.
I am not someone who is 'traditionally attractive' and on the few and far between occasions when I have received a compliment, I have been known to live on it for weeks.
I try very hard to give them and love watching people's faces light up when I do.
Do you guys find it easier to compliment women than men? I do and I was wondering if that was universal...
I THINK THAT'S THE BEST THING ONE CAN DO FOR ANOTHER. I REMEMBER IN HIGH SCHOOL I USED TO GET COMPLIMENTS LIKE THAT WHILE IN THE GIRLS BATHROOM :) I MISS THOSE DAYS, HAVEN'T BUMPED INTO MANY KIND PEOPLE LATELY. I ALWAYS DO TRY TO VOICE MY COMPLIMENTS, AND TAMMY I TOTALLY AGREE GIVING COMPLIMENTS TO WOMEN IS SOOO MUCH EASIER!! :)
Yes, words can go far - it's always nice when people take the time to compliment you or assure you. This is great.
I don't do this enough but I will make a point to do it more often. A comment from a stranger makes such an impression because it's so unexpected but we need to spread them everywhere. I've had those days with a new haircut or outfit and no comments (compliments or otherwise!) so that I begin to feel invisible!
Is there any way for guys to do this without seeming creepy? I would do this all the time if women didn't think I was hitting on them.
Yay! I love random unsolicited compliments, and I love giving them. I find that women especially tend to judge more than they compliment, and I am certainly guilty of that. So this year I have resolved to compliment more than I judge, even if it is just telling some random girl that I love her kickass skinny jeans. I know it makes my day when people compliment my glasses, which I get a lot (electric blue frames tend to steal the show).
Better yet, compliment someone on being nice or accomplished. It's a reminder that our looks aren't that important anyway.
PS: Christopher, I think complimenting as a guy IS more difficult. Steer clear of anything sexual or overly emphatic ("you are so beautiful" is creepy from anyone I don't know). But a simple, sincere compliment will usually be taken well I think.
I think I am going to have a Compliment Day on the blog tomorrow, actually. Feel free to stop by and spread the love :)
~Amanda @ OneHappyPanda
It's an interesting question, Christopher, and I wonder if it's the same reason I have trouble complimenting guys - I don't want to look like some creepy old lady...
Thanks Tammy & Amanda.
It's a real good question, isn't it? I'm happily married to a lovely wife and two beautiful daughters, but strangers don't know that. If the bank teller has an amazing smile (and she does), how do you tell her? If a woman you work with looks uncommonly great one day, shouldn't she know? That sort of thing...
But in the end, I guess it's even harder for guys to compliment guys!
Awe yay! What a lovely post ^_^
I complimented a friend like this today -- should looking smashing & I told her so!
Last year in English class I got a little anonymous note which read "Chelsea, you have a pretty noes." I'm fairly sure that they meant nose, not noes, but all the same it made my day. I still don't know who gave it to me but I keep it in my wallet and pull it out every so often just to have a look.
It's wonderful how somthing as simple as this can make a world of difference. I love this blog, by the way. It certainly does inspire me to be wonderfully nice.
Oh my goodness... Your blog is so darn refreshing! I am loving reading it (and predict spending lots of time reading backwards through it all)! I am definitely going to add your cute little "I'm Nice" logo to my blog tonight. I've got my 2009 Motto stated up at the top:
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. ~Plato
How wonderful would it be if everyone kept this in mind when interacting with the rest of the world?
Love what you're doing... Keep it up!
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