First, Tammy had asked, "Do you guys find it easier to compliment women than men? I do and I was wondering if that was universal..."
I'd say definitely. And usually it's because I'm coveting something like their bag or their shoes or their hairstyle or what have you. And it's particularly easier to compliment female strangers over male strangers because you don't want someone to get the wrong idea.
And Christopher was thinking the same thing I was because he asked,
"Is there any way for guys to do this without seeming creepy? I would do this all the time if women didn't think I was hitting on them."
My husband and I were talking about this last night. I said that I don't think I would be put off if any of my male coworkers told me I looked nice or complimented my hair or outfit or whatever. I would love it! If a stranger did it, I suppose it would depend on the compliment. A guy in a sandwich shop stopped me to tell me he liked my bag, which I thought was pretty cool! But I also had a gas station attendant (years ago) tell me that I had perfect lips. Kinda creepy. Then once a guy at a fast food window told me I should be a model (which made me laugh uncontrollably), but I thought that was sweet.
I'm thinking it's probably rare occasion where a woman wouldn't appreciate a compliment, from a man or a woman. But I want to hear what you all think! And what about women complimenting men? Do you think men will take that the wrong way? Let's discuss!
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14 comments:
Sorry, I commented again on your last post without seeing this one on a related note!
It's a good question. After thinking about it, it seems like it's all in the body language and how your phrase your compliment. It's also much easier when I have my two little daughters with me - they disarm the whole situation!
Any other tips for nice guys like me? How would you want to be complimented?
Hi there! I have been a fan of your blog for a while and have never commented but this converstation is interesting. I agree that its all in the body language. It seems like you could recieve the same compliment from two different people but it could be recieved totally different each time. I think it depends on the tone and context too.
I would love any sincere compliment.... you know the kind where you can just tell the other person really means it and is saying it cause they just look on the bright side of things!
I agree with what you said- it's all in the type of compliment. Telling a girl she has great lips is a little creepy. Telling her she has a great smile says about the same thing, though, and is totally sweet. :)
One a related note: It's compliment a blogger day on One Happy Panda- we're trying to spread the blogger love.
~Amanda
http://onehappypanda.blogspot.com
I once told a barista she had nice posture (weird, I know, but she looked like a ballet dancer and I thought it was neat). It turns out she had a metal rod in her back. :-\
If I weren't so worried about getting negative responses, I think I'd compliment men or women all the time. That said, if my well-meaning comment went awry, I think I'd often be more uncomfortable than the person who received it. This perhaps calls for a practice of being recklessly complimentary.
Melissa, I think your blog is tops. It brings a smile to my face every time I read it and encourages me to pass that smile on to others.
My Dad is an expert complimenter. He can compliment a man or a woman, no problem. I think it's because he says the compliment with an attitude of respect. I think the WAY you say a compliment can effect the person's way of perceiving it.
For example, when a guy licks his lips and looks a girl up and down and says "you're hot, baby" - it would most often make the woman feel creeped out. But if the guy smiled politely and said something like "excuse me, I just wanted to let you know that you have a lovely smile" - there's a HUGE difference.
Very interesting discussion. I think that if the compliment is genuine with no agenda attached, that comes across and the complimenter does not need to worry. And likely, even if the person receiving the compliment is initially suspicious, they will likely think about it later with a smile. Who doesn't like to hear something nice about themselves?
Love the photo and caption, by the way!
Oh, except for the perfect lips compliment. That's a little too intimate and specific, I think.
I just wanted to say how helpful this discussion is. It's great to know that women appreciate compliments in a friendly way.
I was also thinking today that it also depends on where you live - when I lived in Chicago, if you just say hello to a stranger, immediately they get defensive with a "what?" Now I live in Madison, WI where things are a little bit more relaxed and friendly.
This is such a cool blog! I'm so glad I ran into it. I'm going to subscribe through Google Reader right now! Yayyyyy! :) Hope you have a wonderful weekend!
I agree with the general consensus here. It's all about how you provide the compliment.
I think most people like receiving them, but don't be put off if the person you're complimenting dismisses it in some way. A lot of people do this because they aren't used to getting compliments and feel shy/undeserving. More often then not though, they like to receive them.
I always just say a simple thank you if someone compliments me. That way I feel good because I've received a compliment and the person giving the compliment feels good because their comment hasn't been dismissed.
Wow, I'm so excited to see how much conversation has been generated around the blog entry I shared :) Chris, I am particularly interested in what you've asked/contributed to the conversation...I'm in agreement with everyone who chimed in and said that I think *how* you address the women and phrase the comment makes all the difference. If you're polite, respectful, and possibly a little bit 'meek' in your delivery, I don't think you can go wrong. I think choice of words is also important- 'great smile' over 'perfect lips' is definitely a good example...LOL. As far as women complimenting guys goes...I agree that it can be tricky. Just yesterday I told a guy in my photography class (who is probably a decade younger than me!) that I think he is incredibly photogenic. (We were sharing slideshows of self portraits...and though he was not a 'cookie cutter hottie' or anything, I just think he has one of those genuinely kind and inviting faces...and I told him so. I was terrified to say it- I'm an almost 30-year old wife and mom delivering this message to a young art school student. LOL. But he was totally gracious in his reception of the compliment.) I think we *all* need the kindness of strangers to catch us unaware, and bring brightness to our days!
Just yesterday I met up with a former male colleague and he looked great, so I told him so. I can't remember exactly what I said but he returned the compliment with a big smile and a thank you.
When I'm giving a compliment to man, I usually stick to compliments about his tie, sweater, watch - as long as I really do like them. They seem to appreciate the positive comment.
It's true...when men compliment me I usually assume that it is because they find me attractive but it still makes my day and I always tell them so! If anyone guy is brave enough to give a girl a compliment (even if it is creepy) they still deserve at least a smile...who knows it might make their day to know that even if it doesn't go anywhere they got a hot girl to smile at them!
It's never creepy to be complimented by a passing stranger when they don't stop or try to initiate a longer conversation. I still remember and treasure every moment like that -- whether it was a simple "You look nice today" or a more colorful "I don't want you to think I'm a pervert or nothin', but I gotta tell you, you fine!" How can anyone respond to that except to smile and say thank you?
The guy hanging out in front of my apartment building by an unmarked van who tried to get me to stop and chit-chat, not so much. Agendas are creepy, not compliments on their own.
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